Leading up to last night, I was really bothered by today’s holiday, valentine’s day. I do believe that western culture has really brought the original meaning of the holiday through several rounds of high-scale corruption, and have also managed to exploit everyday people into worshiping a false tradition, but last night I started talking with this girl I’ve been talking with for about 3 months now, and we kinda got onto the subject of the day, and figured today is an ok day to meet up.

The women that i’ve seen, most of them have lived at least 30 minutes away from me. Francesca was about an hour on the metra, Lisa was about 45 minutes driving from the suburbs, Katrina was about a half hour i believe, Susan was about 45 minutes on the cta… There was one that lived about 20 minutes on the cta, but she didn’t really last very long. This girl lives 3 hours away in Lafayette, Indiana.

So, the train heads out at 5pm, and i get there after about 3 hours, then i’m out of there at 8am tomorrow morning. Yeah, really short trip. Only one train gets there every day, so I’d better not miss the train. I’m not sure what to expect, but what’s the worst that could happen? Heh, who cares. Worst case is i get stuck at a train station for roughly 11 hours. But, that couldn’t be much worse than the valentine’s day i’d have if i stayed here by myself.

Valentine’s day, i don’t completely hate you, you did have a good origin, but people really shouldn’t put this much emphasis upon you. You’ve successfully doubled the guilt of a great portion’s of the nation’s single folk over an absolutely frivolous reason, and you’ve probably even inspired a few suicides out there.

In other news, I haven’t gone out to a bar since that last entry about my neighbor mike.. January 22nd I beleive was the date of that encounter. I had been meaning to go to a few, but something seems to be holding me away. Once spring returns, I’m going to have to buy a replacement lens cap, a new backpack, and I think I’ll start photographing the city now that i’m more familiar with everything. I’m also working on giving up cigarettes.

I was generally more looked up to when I only smoked pot, and didn’t run around with any other vices. Pot is probably holding me back, and I have been scaling it back to help improve my overall mood, but I feel it’s necessary to use as it helps me relate to people. I’m much more uppity when I’m sober, and that’s usually too much for most people. I can be funny drunk, and it helps me appear more normal according to the people I’ve been drunk around, but I don’t really like waking up after sleeping 4 hours with a hangover.

I’m buying some new blinds to help block the sun out of my windows, because that’s been preventing me from sleeping. I also have a problem sleeping when the wide-open space of my room is too big. I can’t ever sleep for a long time with my closets open, and i can’t sleep with my blinds up. Even with the blinds down, the light shining through is too much.

Several seasons of The Office is on netflix’s ‘instant watch’ thing. You guys should get netflix and watch it.

That’s all. See ya.

last night i got called into work by a customer of ours who wanted to hire me to do some contract work for which he would pay me directly instead of paying for our company’s remote hands fee. this is ok for us to do, a lot of employees have done it, but we never solicit offers. Only when a customer contacts us will we accept it.

So, i got into the datacenter at about 10:30, talked to their guys on irc (we’ve actually been friends for a few years), moved three servers from shared-colocation cabinets to their new full cabinet over the course of a few hours, re-labeled all of their newly moved servers, re-cabled everything, and updated their dns zones to reflect the appropriate ptr (reverse dns) records.

By 2am they were all set, i’d made $210, and was free to leave into the night. The problem with getting out at 2am was, the bar i wanted to go to, the blue light, was well over an hour and a half away, and due to close at 4am. There aren’t any bars I can enjoy in the loop, and that was basically the extent of how far i’d reach without resorting to the cta, which I didn’t want to do at 2am on cermak.

So, I opted to simply walk around and see if I could find an OK place to grab a bite to eat siince i was hungry. I didn’t want to go back home to bridgeport that early, because being home before 3am on a saturday night is equal to failure. I ventured west from cermak & calumet, to michigan avenue. At which point, I started traveling north towards the loop.

My walk took me north to 11th, at which point I walked further west to state, and then north to polk where I found a bar i’d heard about, the south loop club. A look at the people sitting/standing inside, and the people walking in told me that i didn’t want to be there. It just didn’t seem like the kinda place that would be friendly to a loner like me.

Call me crazy, because i more than likely am, but i can’t really handle large crowds. Whether they be in a bar/restaurant, or standing in groups dispersed along belmont street. If I’m alone, my mind just deteriorates to the point where i can’t help but think they are teasing me, whether it be out loud in their group of friends, or in their mind. I’ve just lost faith in a compassionate world. Maybe I’m too much of a downer to have people who consistently care about me? Maybe I’m relying on other people too greatly? I’ve seen one friend in the past 8 days, i haven’t been on a date since september of last year, the past 6 - 8 dates i’ve attempted to make have cancelled on me, 3 of which because “omg i forgot its my friends birthday can we please reschedule”.

Of course, they never reschedule, and any attempts i make to reschedule just result in them using other excuses to not see me until I simply give up. Maybe I’m more adventurous than everyone else, and more willing to meet complete strangers. I don’t think i come off as dangerous, i’m not asking for their address the moment they agree to meet up, i’m trying to meet them in public places, and they just jump the day they’re supposed to see me.

Well, anyway. I didn’t want to go into the south loop club, and i was pretty tired. So, i opted to walk to the corner of harrison & state, and sit down against a fence for a few minutes. A few minutes later a homeless guy walked up to me as i sat there, and asked me where the student’s center was. He was looking for a good spot to ask people for help, but he didn’t know what college he was looking for. I wasn’t able to help, but i suggested he travel back south to where he could hassle the people at columbia.

After 6 minutes of sitting, i got back up, and started hiking back west towards halsted. I had considered the number 8 wouldn’t be running, and a check of the cta bus tracker verified this a short while later when i had the motivation to look it up. Well, it was kind of a long walk, from 0e to 800/900W, 9 blocks. Eventually I got to halsted and i had a choice. Get on the blue line, take that back to the loop, and transfer to the redline which i could take home to 35th; or just walk south in hopes that the number 8 would start running after 4am, or that i could find a taxi.

I would end up walking from there (halsted & harrison), down to.. maxwell, where I found a taxi. I took that back south to 33rd, got a burrito from taqueria san jose, and then walked back 3 blocks home.

I got home at about 4:05am. I guess it was an ok night for walking. I found some new spots that i want to venture out to for photography. It was reletively warm for being chicago in february. I hope spring returns for good soon, i think the winter is probably one of the main reasons my mood is so fucked these days.