Don’t you think if the anti-christ did exist, he would have read the bible, and changed everything about himself to reflect the exact opposite of what it says the anti-christ would be?

The bible made up the bit about the antichrist being muslim because christians are inherently the enemies of muslims. What better way to turn society against your enemy than to make up a book that says the big invisible ruler of existence will also be the enemy of your enemy?

If the anti-christ exists, he’s in office right now.

On the night of my birthday, I started walking, and ended up walking like 20 as-literal-as-possible miles to a west suburb. Some place called Maywood. This trip took me straight through the ghetto, where people treated me much nicer than the people i’ve encountered in the ritzy parts of town, which changed my outlook on what parts of town I would like to hang out in.

If you are depressed, or lonely, the ghetto is the best place you can go. People in the ghetto look out for their people. If life has you down, you’ll be able to relate with the people who live there, and they’ll treat you like a human being, regardless of your race. Pretty much any time I go to the north side of town depressed, people look at me as if they saw my photo on the a news segment about a serial killer. They offer no help, they just looked at me with their smug fucking faces, and held their breath as they walk by. When I visited the ghetto, I actually had people ask me if i was ok. They didn’t care that I was white, I didn’t care what their race was. We just treated eachother like human beings, something most of those northside fucks could never do.

I think I’m going to get my bike fixed today, and I’m going to start traveling far out distance with it. Walking that far actually crippled me a little bit for 2 or 3 days, but it was still an enlightening experience.

I think i’m getting more used to being a loner. Maybe I am destined to be alone forever. I’ve been a decent human being for a while now, if people still can’t accept me, then so be it.

On 4/20/2008, I went to meet a girl I’d met in the casual encounters section of craigslist. org. Her name was francesca, we’d never met before, never even spoke on the phone, however we did chat online, and exchange pictures. She’d known me for maybe 1 week before we met up, but she and I were both pretty anxious to get together.

So, I gussied myself up in my favorite shirt and pants, made myself look the best I could, and took the afternoon metra train out to her place in suburbs. Of course I was a little nervous, and a little anxious as well, I tried to throw logic at myself, and told myself ‘if you don’t think positively of yourself nobody will think positively of you’, however it was still being offset by the fact that I believed I would be blown off by that girl, and due to go home depressed for another day.

I eventually arrived in her house, and was my usual, quiet self. She was talkative, and I only responded to what she was saying. That’s one problem I have, I never bring up new subjects with strangers. Possibly because I recognize I don’t think about normal things, and that I believe certain people might take offense.

Well, I sat there in her living room, we talked a bit, smoked a little, and then we realized that our lighters were dead. No problem, there’s a party store a few blocks from her apartment. So, we walk over there, buy lighters, walk back to her apartment.

Then when we got to her apartment, sat back down, smoked, and I began to have strange cravings for orange soda, but i never mentioned them. Then, she just broke out of nowhere and asked “So um, what’s the matter dude?”, “what? nothing, what’s wrong?”, “you’re just acting kind of weird… um… do you know what aspergers disorder is?”.

This one line took grip in my mind. “what? uhh uhhh uhhhh no… no i don’t think i have that. um… i don’t know” I replied. Quickly, my mind began to degrade towards the worst feeling in the world. I’d been accused of having a mental disorder by a date. She then got a phone call from her friend, and she actually began describing me to him. Out loud. As I began to break into an anxiety attack, as she spoke to him, She would eventually get off the phone. I was still in shock from the amateur diagnoses I had been given, as I know people who havs aspergers, and it’s definitely not something that I am comfortable having.

She got off the phone, and we just had a short conversation about what’s wrong with me, and I began to unravel. Of couse I’m high, she is too, but I just began to rant obsessively about what was happening, when she suddenly kissed me, and the afternoon was on from there.

If she hadn’t kissed me, and nothing had happened, I would have probably gone home and killed myself that day.

We would end up meeting a few more times, had a good time, but eventually she lost interest in me, and we haven’t seen each other for a few months now.

Then, several weeks later I was standing in the kitchen with my roommate allison, and she accused me of having the disorder as I well. This, and francesca’s prior accusation combined in my mind, and slowly began to re-degrade me. Yeah, I got laid immediately after being accused by francesca, but I’m never going to have sex with allison, so there’s no way to undo the effect of what she said.

If you think you know someone who has a psychological disorder, don’t tell them about it. Especially if it’s a disorder that’ll affect how that person acts in social situations. Just don’t. It was pretty obvious to me that something’s wrong with my mind before either of these women knew me, It’s probably obvious to the friend that you think has the same disorder. By diagnosing us out loud, you are essentially rushing us to figure out what’s wrong, which is likely to cause even more problems for us.

ugh.

What am i even doing here

I don’t even know why I keep the blog online, because it’s a testament to everything that is wrong with me

I don’t like you damn kids anymore. Kids today don’t know how to have fun. It’s a generation raised in youth group, none of them know how to have fun, or go out and self destruct in gloriously hillarious sequences of being. My generation didn’t do shit either. I think maybe the generation before me was into that kinda fun, and probably the generations from the mid 70s to their class’s year.

I turn 25 in about 12 days. It’ll be a nice year. I’m thinking about finding a pawn shop so i can buy an acoustic guitar, so i can learn to strum it aggressively in a decent manner whilst screaming lyrics about the problems society has, so i can complete my dream of being a locally notorious musician. I doubt it’ll happen. But, I will definitely get that guitar.

here’s an mp3 about what i’ve been up to since my last update

good night

They say that he has undergone several psychological evaluations and has been determined sane, however they could not provide me with a figure on the ratio of sane to insane vietnam POWs.

how many vietnam flashbacks do you think john mccain has every day?

I’m thinkin one in the afternoon one in the evening and any time he sleeps he dreams of the horrors he encountered while he was a pow there.

we’re going to be reoccupying vietnam within 10 days of his taking office.

Have you ever met a 100% sane vietnam vet? Maybe 1/20? Was that person a POW as well? It’s just not a totally great idea to put someone with a really serious tendency for deep serious psychosis into the top office in the country where anxiety levels are bound to be 3000% higher.. The dude is going to end up flipping out, and we’re going to end up bombing the shit out of france for no reason.

Please, don’t vote for john mccain. He will end the world.

That way, if they need to move us out of the ground in order to expand an airport, they’ll have to see our rotting/rotten bodies, and we’ll all have a good laugh as we watch them gag from whatever dimension of the afterlife we are stuck into at that point.

A few nights ago I didn’t have anything to do, and I got another application for Mike P. Bailey from capital one in my mailbox. So, I mustered up some coherent thought, and dialed them to be greeted by this somewhat southern 48 year old hag who sounded like she’s been chain smoking daily for the past 10 years.

I explained to them how the last call went down. How I gave cingular a fake name 3 years ago at my old address, and had called AT&T giving them information related to my real address, and my home address, and had been told that both accounts were out of their solicitation databases, and how i’d somehow started to receive applications for both mike p. bailey and paul m. bailey in my mailbox, and how no other company has records for mike p. bailey in their database except for AT&T.

Well, this woman told me straight away that AT&T never sells information to other companies. I argued that it was impossible for capital one to think mike p. bailey lives here as AT&T is the only company that has that name and this address. She then told me about how she’s been an AT&T customer for the past 30 years, and had never had any issues with them. I then began to say “i deserve compensation for this” and she immediately broke in with “wohh wohh wohh”, and actually, litterally told me, and I quote “We don’t know that!”. Can you believe that shit? The woman almost explicitly called me a liar. I never gave a single company on this planet the name of Mike p. bailey, how else could capital one make the connection between that name, and this address, without getting that information from AT&T? What the hell is this shit? AT&T just lied to me, and now i’m getting two applications per mail dropoff from random companies because AT&T wanted to make a buck off me.

It’s bad enough that they’re kicking my ass with this $60/month phone bill, and also recording my phone calls to give them to the government whenever they hint at the idea. Do they really need to butcher me threefold with this blatant abuse of my account data?

back in 2003 I was living in oxford, michigan, and I didn’t have a cell phone. So, I went up town to the bank, got $500 out, and proceeded to go to my local cingular dealer where I bought a Nokia phone that was like $400, on a prepaid plan because i didn’t want to have any bills.

While signing up for the account, i made sure to use a fake name, so I picked out a spin on my name, Mike P. bailey, but I also gave them my actual address, in case anything important happened with the account, and they needed to contact me.

Well, this all went through, and the phone ended up breaking, with absolutely no support from nokia, so I just let the prepaid account go, and never touched it. Then after a couple more months, I started getting mail addressed to Mike P. Bailey at my house, credit card applications and such. I never got into any of that, and just threw away the mail whenever i got it.

In june of this year, I ended up moving away from michigan, and was still recieving mail. After a couple of months I realized this was still happening, so I called up AT&T who bought cingular some time ago, and asked if they could just delete the mike p. bailey account. During this call, I gave AT&T my actual wireless account info, because i already had an account with them for my iphone (which they’re fucking raping me with). Well, they told me they couldn’t delete the account, but they could put my information into their ‘do not send offers’ database. “Fine, super, thank you!” I said, and happily hung up.

And I did remain happy up until yesterday afternoon, when I recieved two credit card applications from capital one: one addressed to Paul M. bailey, and one for Mike P. Bailey.

It seems that AT&T not only lied to my face, but also violated my privacy. Isn’t this kind of illegal?

Today was a pretty bad day.

Not a whole lot to talk about. Just feeling down since the snow came back.

I walked 6 miles to town and through oxford. That was okay.

I picked up a weekly routine of blowing like $50 per weekend bar hopping. This lasted for about 4 weeks, but i’m finding that i’m spending way too much money. So, i’m giving that up for a while.

The weather bothers me. Nothing looks good. That makes picture taking very difficult, because i only like taking pictures of pretty things.

Well that’s all for now. About 20 pounds to go in weight loss… see ya.